This is Jake and me at Breckenridge Colorado this past January
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Unit three
Gender Socialization
Jake and I have different views on some ways to raise our son, Carter. When it comes to gender socialization, we have a couple different opinions. Jake wants Carter to be all boy. He wears cowboy boots and loves to do “boy things”. And I think all of those things are great as well, but when Carter started playing with his stuffed animals like you would with a baby doll, my mom bought him a baby doll. Jake flipped out. He told Carter that babies are for girls. We talked in over and he isn’t as bad now, and Carter has a baby doll at our house now too.
I don’t like the distinction between girl things and boy things. I love to be outside and to go for hikes in the woods and go camping, but when I was in Girl Scouts, all we did was girly things, until my mom took over our troop. But it was like since we are girls we have to make crafts and learn how to bake.
So we try to give Carter a wide spectrum of activities that he is involved in so that he can choose the ones he likes, not only the ones that he is supposed to do.
Nurturing and Support
Our family is quite alike to what is described in the nurturing part of the book. I have stayed at home with our son since he was born, and Jake worked. So I definitely saw and still do see Carter more. Even though I see Carter more, he still has a great relationship with his dad.
Jake and I are very loving and nurturing people. Carter is a snuggle bug because we have loved on him and snuggled with him since he was born, and I am so glad that we did because now at 2, he still loves to snuggle and love on you.
Jake and I are both very supportive of each other. We obviously have our moments where we just don’t care or don’t want to listen, but that just means that we are in a bad mood! Since Carter is only two, Jake and I do our best to listen and understand whatever he wants to talk about and help him in any way that we can.
My family was very close growing up and we were are still are able to talk and listen as well as support. Jake’s family was the opposite. They are not close and his parents never wanted to take the time to listen. So since Jake knows what that is like, he tries extra hard to always be there for Carter and says that he is going to be a better dad than his was.
Individual Development
· With Carter at two years old, Jake and I are getting to see him become his own person. He now has his own:
o Personality
o Opinions
o Ideas of what is right and wrong
o Sense of self
· We have also let Carter become self reliant. He is able to pick out what movie he wants to watch or what he wants to eat for lunch. Even though those seem like little things, they are steps to becoming independent.
Maintenance and Management
Jake and I try to include all of our extended family in important family events such as birthdays, baptisms, holidays, and our extended family does the same in return. Jake and I try to split our duties up when it comes to our families.
First, when we are having an event or holiday, Jake calls his family and I call mine.
We also split our Holidays with our extended families. Thanksgiving is with Jake’s family and Easter is with mine. Then we work Christmas out on a yearly basis.
When is comes to family management, all I have to say is that Jake would be screwed if I died. He doesn’t want to know about things and I am happy, at least about most things that he doesn’t care about them. Jake is our main income. He gives me his paycheck every Thursday and I take care of all of our bills, payments, etc. When Jake isn’t home, I obviously do all of the child care. But when Jake is home, he and Carter are connected at the hip, so Jake helps a lot.
Now that Carter is older, we have started camping as a family, which is something that we all look forward to. Carter loves it so much that he and his dad will set the tent up in the back yard and he will play in it all day.
Basic Needs
I actually got my first part-time job since Carter was born, one for my own spending money and two to get some experience under my belt. Jake has supported or family for years and is continuing to do so, but my money pays for our extras. Like this month our extra is that we are buying new ceiling fans. Nothing major, but it all adds up.
So right now I am an IPFW student, a mom of a two year old and have a part time job. I wouldn’t say that my work per say spills over, but the stress of having so much going on now that I have a job spills over into family time. I try to do it all but have realized that if the dishes don’t get done, it will all be ok.
Couple Type
I would classify Jake and I as traditionals. We both plat traditional roles in our family, we are interdependent, and we try to avoid conflict by being pro-active in our relationship.
Conflict Type
Right now in Jake and my relationship, I would consider us a validating conflict style. We do try to listen to each other and respect each others opinions and views. We agree on most basic issues and those that we do not agree on we figure something out that we both like.
Family Type
Our Family is an open family. We are very family oriented but not to the point that we can’t do things apart and in different ways. It is important to try new things whether together or apart, but to always come back together. Each of us will grow and change, so there needs to be some room to wiggle for each of us. And not only will our kids grow, but Jake and I will grow as well.
Jake and I have different views on some ways to raise our son, Carter. When it comes to gender socialization, we have a couple different opinions. Jake wants Carter to be all boy. He wears cowboy boots and loves to do “boy things”. And I think all of those things are great as well, but when Carter started playing with his stuffed animals like you would with a baby doll, my mom bought him a baby doll. Jake flipped out. He told Carter that babies are for girls. We talked in over and he isn’t as bad now, and Carter has a baby doll at our house now too.
I don’t like the distinction between girl things and boy things. I love to be outside and to go for hikes in the woods and go camping, but when I was in Girl Scouts, all we did was girly things, until my mom took over our troop. But it was like since we are girls we have to make crafts and learn how to bake.
So we try to give Carter a wide spectrum of activities that he is involved in so that he can choose the ones he likes, not only the ones that he is supposed to do.
Nurturing and Support
Our family is quite alike to what is described in the nurturing part of the book. I have stayed at home with our son since he was born, and Jake worked. So I definitely saw and still do see Carter more. Even though I see Carter more, he still has a great relationship with his dad.
Jake and I are very loving and nurturing people. Carter is a snuggle bug because we have loved on him and snuggled with him since he was born, and I am so glad that we did because now at 2, he still loves to snuggle and love on you.
Jake and I are both very supportive of each other. We obviously have our moments where we just don’t care or don’t want to listen, but that just means that we are in a bad mood! Since Carter is only two, Jake and I do our best to listen and understand whatever he wants to talk about and help him in any way that we can.
My family was very close growing up and we were are still are able to talk and listen as well as support. Jake’s family was the opposite. They are not close and his parents never wanted to take the time to listen. So since Jake knows what that is like, he tries extra hard to always be there for Carter and says that he is going to be a better dad than his was.
Individual Development
· With Carter at two years old, Jake and I are getting to see him become his own person. He now has his own:
o Personality
o Opinions
o Ideas of what is right and wrong
o Sense of self
· We have also let Carter become self reliant. He is able to pick out what movie he wants to watch or what he wants to eat for lunch. Even though those seem like little things, they are steps to becoming independent.
Maintenance and Management
Jake and I try to include all of our extended family in important family events such as birthdays, baptisms, holidays, and our extended family does the same in return. Jake and I try to split our duties up when it comes to our families.
First, when we are having an event or holiday, Jake calls his family and I call mine.
We also split our Holidays with our extended families. Thanksgiving is with Jake’s family and Easter is with mine. Then we work Christmas out on a yearly basis.
When is comes to family management, all I have to say is that Jake would be screwed if I died. He doesn’t want to know about things and I am happy, at least about most things that he doesn’t care about them. Jake is our main income. He gives me his paycheck every Thursday and I take care of all of our bills, payments, etc. When Jake isn’t home, I obviously do all of the child care. But when Jake is home, he and Carter are connected at the hip, so Jake helps a lot.
Now that Carter is older, we have started camping as a family, which is something that we all look forward to. Carter loves it so much that he and his dad will set the tent up in the back yard and he will play in it all day.
Basic Needs
I actually got my first part-time job since Carter was born, one for my own spending money and two to get some experience under my belt. Jake has supported or family for years and is continuing to do so, but my money pays for our extras. Like this month our extra is that we are buying new ceiling fans. Nothing major, but it all adds up.
So right now I am an IPFW student, a mom of a two year old and have a part time job. I wouldn’t say that my work per say spills over, but the stress of having so much going on now that I have a job spills over into family time. I try to do it all but have realized that if the dishes don’t get done, it will all be ok.
Couple Type
I would classify Jake and I as traditionals. We both plat traditional roles in our family, we are interdependent, and we try to avoid conflict by being pro-active in our relationship.
Conflict Type
Right now in Jake and my relationship, I would consider us a validating conflict style. We do try to listen to each other and respect each others opinions and views. We agree on most basic issues and those that we do not agree on we figure something out that we both like.
Family Type
Our Family is an open family. We are very family oriented but not to the point that we can’t do things apart and in different ways. It is important to try new things whether together or apart, but to always come back together. Each of us will grow and change, so there needs to be some room to wiggle for each of us. And not only will our kids grow, but Jake and I will grow as well.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Friday, September 12, 2008
Family Rules
What Are The Rules?
1.One of our main rules is to always talk things over. Don't let things build up inside of you and then explode. My husband and I actually created this rule after we were married for a while. We sat down and said that we need to talk things through, and let eachother know how we feel. This rule has not changed as of yet. Jake and I have only been married for two years. I have seen that we do talk more now that we decided that that was how we wanted to solve our problems.
This rule is great for our family. It keeps us all on the same page and allows us to know how the other is feeling.
2.An unspoken rule in our family is that we all go to bed at the same time. Our two year old has always been on our schedule, we did not make him a seperate schedule so that the can be a part of everything. This rule started right when he was born. If Jake and I were up till ten, then so was he. That way he would sleep in with us in the morning. Carter is two now, and there are evenings that he goes to bed early if he does not have a nap. And I will admit that it is nice when he occasionally goes to bed early. It gives me time to do my homework or just watch a tv show that I want to.
3.This one is a funny one, but another rule in my family is to not let my grandma know that you know that she wears a wig. We don't talk about it in front of her, or ever ask her about it. This rule for me came about when I was actually told that she wears a wig, but not to actually talk about it. This rule has not changed over time, nor do I expect it to. I think she would be embarassed to talk about or admit it. I don't think that it effects the functioning of our family at all. It is not a serious subject that could damage or hurt anyone, except maybe my grandmas pride.
4. Another rule is that we like to always know where each other is. We try to always let eachother know what is going on the next day so that we know when to expect each other home and where they may be. This is usually quite easy with being able to call anytime with a cell phone. I would say that this rule came about when I was pregnant. Jake always wanted to know where I was and what I was doing because he was always worried about me. It obviously hasn't stopped. I think that this in good for our family because it is what works. I won't lie and say that sometimes Jake calls way to much, but I know it is becaues he cares and wants to always know what is going on.
1.One of our main rules is to always talk things over. Don't let things build up inside of you and then explode. My husband and I actually created this rule after we were married for a while. We sat down and said that we need to talk things through, and let eachother know how we feel. This rule has not changed as of yet. Jake and I have only been married for two years. I have seen that we do talk more now that we decided that that was how we wanted to solve our problems.
This rule is great for our family. It keeps us all on the same page and allows us to know how the other is feeling.
2.An unspoken rule in our family is that we all go to bed at the same time. Our two year old has always been on our schedule, we did not make him a seperate schedule so that the can be a part of everything. This rule started right when he was born. If Jake and I were up till ten, then so was he. That way he would sleep in with us in the morning. Carter is two now, and there are evenings that he goes to bed early if he does not have a nap. And I will admit that it is nice when he occasionally goes to bed early. It gives me time to do my homework or just watch a tv show that I want to.
3.This one is a funny one, but another rule in my family is to not let my grandma know that you know that she wears a wig. We don't talk about it in front of her, or ever ask her about it. This rule for me came about when I was actually told that she wears a wig, but not to actually talk about it. This rule has not changed over time, nor do I expect it to. I think she would be embarassed to talk about or admit it. I don't think that it effects the functioning of our family at all. It is not a serious subject that could damage or hurt anyone, except maybe my grandmas pride.
4. Another rule is that we like to always know where each other is. We try to always let eachother know what is going on the next day so that we know when to expect each other home and where they may be. This is usually quite easy with being able to call anytime with a cell phone. I would say that this rule came about when I was pregnant. Jake always wanted to know where I was and what I was doing because he was always worried about me. It obviously hasn't stopped. I think that this in good for our family because it is what works. I won't lie and say that sometimes Jake calls way to much, but I know it is becaues he cares and wants to always know what is going on.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Analysis
Cohesion is a central dimension of family behavior. It is defined as the emotional bonding that family members have towards each other. It includes the concepts of boundaries, coalitions, time, space, decision making and interests. Cohesion is central to the understanding of the family life. My family is somewhere between separated and connected. We have aspects of both in our family unit. I think that as we have all gotten older, we are now more on the separated side, at least with our extended family, than when we were younger. When we were all young, I was just as close with my cousins as I was with my friends at school. But now we are all getting married and starting our own families. Even though we are all growing up and maybe growing a little apart. We still come together as one big family more than most. My cousins were my bridesmaids in my wedding and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
Adaptability is how well families adapt to sometimes ever-changing circumstances such as illness, moving or a death. Flexibility is also a part of adaptability. It is the amount of change that a family can endure. All families have periods of change and periods of stability. Most scholars see an excess of change and instability as dysfunctional but also think a certain level is necessary in all families. My family has shown great adaptability is recent months. One cause for having to adapt is an illness, and my family had to go through one this past February. My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and had to have part of his lung removed. The surgery was scheduled and all of our family was told, and the day of the surgery, almost my whole family showed up; m siblings and their spouses, my aunts and uncles and even some of my cousins to sit with my mom during his surgery. That just reiterate to me how important we are to my family and how important they are to us. But we have gotten through all of the chemo and tests and so far so good, but it definitely showed that we were able to adapt to a changing situation. But I think in part it was because we had to. To us there was no choice.
Root Metaphor is assuming a connection between way of talking about the world and a major metaphor or analogy. Finding a simple metaphor is a lot easier than finding much deeper one. Each family relates to the other family members in the sense of images. Males and females tend to use different images to convey family members in metaphors. Conflict can arise if the person creating the image sees the person differently that the person himself does, but if they sees the same way, then a connection is formed.
I have been having a hard time thinking of a metaphor for my whole family, but I have created some for individuals. I compare my sister to a wonderer, she is always on the go and I think will never settle down. My mom and dad are the rock of our family, we can always depend on them and they never falter. My son is like a monkey, not only does he love to climb, but he also communicates like a monkey. He uses facial expressions and hoot and hollers to get what he wants.
Family Themes are found in every family. They may be viewed as a pattern of feelings, motives and fantasies. A family’s themes state who they are. Themes such as competitiveness, if they value an education and if the family is humble or snobby. Themes usually relate to family actions that you can see. You can conclude a family’s theme’s just by watching them. Some themes are much more to detect though. A theme that seems prevalent in my extended family is lateness. It seems like everyone is always late. Since I have grown up seeing that, I am the exact opposite. I hate being late and will actually make sure that I am early as not to be rude. A theme in my immediate family is to be open an honest. Especially now that I am older, I talk to my parents about everything and so do my siblings.
Boundaries of a family are what separate it from the outside world. It creates separation between inner workings and their surrounding environment. They can be physical or psychological, things seen and unseen. Most frequent family boundaries include regulations to people, places, ideas and values. Some family boundaries are flexible while others are very strict. Our family is pretty open, but still has boundaries. When I was younger, the boundaries were obviously different than now. We are an open family that is free to express our views, even though we do get into some heated conversations concerning politics. We were able to decide if we wanted to practice religion or not. Our family has some special occasions that when I was younger, I never took boyfriends to, and seldom do or did my cousins bring their significant others as well. Christmas Eve is huge in my family and has been since I was born. It was so special to me, that even though I had a couple of very serious boyfriends through high school and part of college, I never invited any of them because it was and still is a time that I only share with someone really special. And my husband is the only one that I ever took. I think that that is an unspoken boundary in my family.
Adaptability is how well families adapt to sometimes ever-changing circumstances such as illness, moving or a death. Flexibility is also a part of adaptability. It is the amount of change that a family can endure. All families have periods of change and periods of stability. Most scholars see an excess of change and instability as dysfunctional but also think a certain level is necessary in all families. My family has shown great adaptability is recent months. One cause for having to adapt is an illness, and my family had to go through one this past February. My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and had to have part of his lung removed. The surgery was scheduled and all of our family was told, and the day of the surgery, almost my whole family showed up; m siblings and their spouses, my aunts and uncles and even some of my cousins to sit with my mom during his surgery. That just reiterate to me how important we are to my family and how important they are to us. But we have gotten through all of the chemo and tests and so far so good, but it definitely showed that we were able to adapt to a changing situation. But I think in part it was because we had to. To us there was no choice.
Root Metaphor is assuming a connection between way of talking about the world and a major metaphor or analogy. Finding a simple metaphor is a lot easier than finding much deeper one. Each family relates to the other family members in the sense of images. Males and females tend to use different images to convey family members in metaphors. Conflict can arise if the person creating the image sees the person differently that the person himself does, but if they sees the same way, then a connection is formed.
I have been having a hard time thinking of a metaphor for my whole family, but I have created some for individuals. I compare my sister to a wonderer, she is always on the go and I think will never settle down. My mom and dad are the rock of our family, we can always depend on them and they never falter. My son is like a monkey, not only does he love to climb, but he also communicates like a monkey. He uses facial expressions and hoot and hollers to get what he wants.
Family Themes are found in every family. They may be viewed as a pattern of feelings, motives and fantasies. A family’s themes state who they are. Themes such as competitiveness, if they value an education and if the family is humble or snobby. Themes usually relate to family actions that you can see. You can conclude a family’s theme’s just by watching them. Some themes are much more to detect though. A theme that seems prevalent in my extended family is lateness. It seems like everyone is always late. Since I have grown up seeing that, I am the exact opposite. I hate being late and will actually make sure that I am early as not to be rude. A theme in my immediate family is to be open an honest. Especially now that I am older, I talk to my parents about everything and so do my siblings.
Boundaries of a family are what separate it from the outside world. It creates separation between inner workings and their surrounding environment. They can be physical or psychological, things seen and unseen. Most frequent family boundaries include regulations to people, places, ideas and values. Some family boundaries are flexible while others are very strict. Our family is pretty open, but still has boundaries. When I was younger, the boundaries were obviously different than now. We are an open family that is free to express our views, even though we do get into some heated conversations concerning politics. We were able to decide if we wanted to practice religion or not. Our family has some special occasions that when I was younger, I never took boyfriends to, and seldom do or did my cousins bring their significant others as well. Christmas Eve is huge in my family and has been since I was born. It was so special to me, that even though I had a couple of very serious boyfriends through high school and part of college, I never invited any of them because it was and still is a time that I only share with someone really special. And my husband is the only one that I ever took. I think that that is an unspoken boundary in my family.
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