Unit three

Gender Socialization
Jake and I have different views on some ways to raise our son, Carter. When it comes to gender socialization, we have a couple different opinions. Jake wants Carter to be all boy. He wears cowboy boots and loves to do “boy things”. And I think all of those things are great as well, but when Carter started playing with his stuffed animals like you would with a baby doll, my mom bought him a baby doll. Jake flipped out. He told Carter that babies are for girls. We talked in over and he isn’t as bad now, and Carter has a baby doll at our house now too.

I don’t like the distinction between girl things and boy things. I love to be outside and to go for hikes in the woods and go camping, but when I was in Girl Scouts, all we did was girly things, until my mom took over our troop. But it was like since we are girls we have to make crafts and learn how to bake.

So we try to give Carter a wide spectrum of activities that he is involved in so that he can choose the ones he likes, not only the ones that he is supposed to do.

Nurturing and Support
Our family is quite alike to what is described in the nurturing part of the book. I have stayed at home with our son since he was born, and Jake worked. So I definitely saw and still do see Carter more. Even though I see Carter more, he still has a great relationship with his dad.
Jake and I are very loving and nurturing people. Carter is a snuggle bug because we have loved on him and snuggled with him since he was born, and I am so glad that we did because now at 2, he still loves to snuggle and love on you.
Jake and I are both very supportive of each other. We obviously have our moments where we just don’t care or don’t want to listen, but that just means that we are in a bad mood! Since Carter is only two, Jake and I do our best to listen and understand whatever he wants to talk about and help him in any way that we can.
My family was very close growing up and we were are still are able to talk and listen as well as support. Jake’s family was the opposite. They are not close and his parents never wanted to take the time to listen. So since Jake knows what that is like, he tries extra hard to always be there for Carter and says that he is going to be a better dad than his was.

Individual Development

· With Carter at two years old, Jake and I are getting to see him become his own person. He now has his own:
o Personality
o Opinions
o Ideas of what is right and wrong
o Sense of self

· We have also let Carter become self reliant. He is able to pick out what movie he wants to watch or what he wants to eat for lunch. Even though those seem like little things, they are steps to becoming independent.

Maintenance and Management
Jake and I try to include all of our extended family in important family events such as birthdays, baptisms, holidays, and our extended family does the same in return. Jake and I try to split our duties up when it comes to our families.
First, when we are having an event or holiday, Jake calls his family and I call mine.
We also split our Holidays with our extended families. Thanksgiving is with Jake’s family and Easter is with mine. Then we work Christmas out on a yearly basis.
When is comes to family management, all I have to say is that Jake would be screwed if I died. He doesn’t want to know about things and I am happy, at least about most things that he doesn’t care about them. Jake is our main income. He gives me his paycheck every Thursday and I take care of all of our bills, payments, etc. When Jake isn’t home, I obviously do all of the child care. But when Jake is home, he and Carter are connected at the hip, so Jake helps a lot.
Now that Carter is older, we have started camping as a family, which is something that we all look forward to. Carter loves it so much that he and his dad will set the tent up in the back yard and he will play in it all day.

Basic Needs
I actually got my first part-time job since Carter was born, one for my own spending money and two to get some experience under my belt. Jake has supported or family for years and is continuing to do so, but my money pays for our extras. Like this month our extra is that we are buying new ceiling fans. Nothing major, but it all adds up.
So right now I am an IPFW student, a mom of a two year old and have a part time job. I wouldn’t say that my work per say spills over, but the stress of having so much going on now that I have a job spills over into family time. I try to do it all but have realized that if the dishes don’t get done, it will all be ok.

Couple Type
I would classify Jake and I as traditionals. We both plat traditional roles in our family, we are interdependent, and we try to avoid conflict by being pro-active in our relationship.

Conflict Type
Right now in Jake and my relationship, I would consider us a validating conflict style. We do try to listen to each other and respect each others opinions and views. We agree on most basic issues and those that we do not agree on we figure something out that we both like.

Family Type
Our Family is an open family. We are very family oriented but not to the point that we can’t do things apart and in different ways. It is important to try new things whether together or apart, but to always come back together. Each of us will grow and change, so there needs to be some room to wiggle for each of us. And not only will our kids grow, but Jake and I will grow as well.